Thursday, February 18, 2010

Heavy heart...

I know I have lagged a bit in my actual posts over the last few months. For this I apologize! ;)
Lilly and I are getting more of a hang of our daily partnership so here I sit, baby napping and finding myself heavy...
With the acquisition of my new career as mommy I have struggled with much. I have felt insignificant, unable, overwhelmed, confused & most importantly I have felt a huge calling to improve on my self image amongst all of these attacks. I want to be a woman, wife, mother that knows who she is and is confident in that.
As my move to New Jersey took place I was in the midst of a transformation that I would have never thought possible. I was a woman in the midst of a divorce from a man that didn't want to be with me anymore, a man that wanted rather to be with numerous other women. He chose to walk away from the Lord and from me. "Who am I Lord?", "What am I to do now?", "How will I carry on?"...I was a woman that was finally facing, who I was, what I liked to do rather than what others WANTED me to be. I was moving to New Friggen Jersey, a state that goes for the jugular and if you don't like it, leave! LOL!
Now, I am here...God has dragged me up mountains to enjoy the amazing view and carried me through valleys that I never thought I could get out of. I am married to an amazing man, who is truly beyond my dreams, have the most precious daughter in the whole world and live in a cozy home of which displays my personality throughout. God is so amazing!
Now, why am I heavy...I have dear friends going through really hard times. I have one particular at the same crossroads I was 6-years ago. My heart breaks for her and honestly there are times when I want to call her husband and say "Who the F&*$^#)*! do you think you are?!" I need to be more honest, I need to say what I am thinking more often, I need to not be such a people pleaser. There is a lot of reasons I moved to NFJ ... one of which I honestly believe was to get over some of my insecurities, to be a confident woman, wife and mother. I don't want my little girl to grow up and get taken advantage the way that I was.
I pray now that God would use me. I wouldn't trade any of lives valley's; they have taught me much.
"Lord, please carry my dear friends as you have carried me. Give them strength, give them peace as they have never known..."
Thank you all for listening, I love you...

No comments:

Post a Comment